Soon we'll all be saying goodbye to 2009. I'd love to say good riddance, but I lost some important people in my life during this year. In March, I lost my grandfather to Prostate Cancer. About two weeks ago one of the older cousins, Walter Vales died of a heart attack.
After losing two people that were once very close to me I realized how much we had drifted apart. I pushed them away and I didn't know why. I knew I loved my grandfather, but I was so afraid of losing him that I tried not to get too close to him after I found out he was diagnosed with cancer. I know it was opposite thinking, but it was very hard towards the end. I think the other cousins would agree with me. Every time we would be around him or if we would look into his eyes, he looked like he was about to cry. And sometimes, he would...and that was very hard.
I used to be around Kuya Walter when I was a little kid, always trying to tag along and be by his side. There was one incident that bothered me as a kid that I haven't shared with anyone, but after that, I had a really hard time staying close to him. But through the years, he always would find me and give me a big hug each time I saw him. He would always reassure me that he had my back and that he'd beat up any person who messed with me. Always the big brother, always the protector and always very thoughtful of others. I think he was like that with everyone he came across.
I wasn't like this just with family, but also with friends. In the past two years I made strides towards building relationships with people I was afraid to bond with. So far, so good. I'm closer with the people I distanced myself from. And as I get older, I try to find all the friends I once had. Through social networking sites I found old friends from elementary school, middle school and high school. It was nice to reconnect and see how their lives have been over the years. But it's hard to be involved in their lives after all these years because I feel so much like a stranger...
Working more towards building bonds will be part of my New Year's Resolution. Another goal I'd like to accomplish is to go to as many countries I can next year, hopefully without going to some of the countries I've already been to. I'll aim at 5-10 countries all visited by 2011. Possible a 1 week trip every 3 months? We'll see! I got to fill my passport up with stamps. Hopefully in my one trip out to the Philippines we'll be able to get a stamp from China...hopefully!
More later...
After losing two people that were once very close to me I realized how much we had drifted apart. I pushed them away and I didn't know why. I knew I loved my grandfather, but I was so afraid of losing him that I tried not to get too close to him after I found out he was diagnosed with cancer. I know it was opposite thinking, but it was very hard towards the end. I think the other cousins would agree with me. Every time we would be around him or if we would look into his eyes, he looked like he was about to cry. And sometimes, he would...and that was very hard.
I used to be around Kuya Walter when I was a little kid, always trying to tag along and be by his side. There was one incident that bothered me as a kid that I haven't shared with anyone, but after that, I had a really hard time staying close to him. But through the years, he always would find me and give me a big hug each time I saw him. He would always reassure me that he had my back and that he'd beat up any person who messed with me. Always the big brother, always the protector and always very thoughtful of others. I think he was like that with everyone he came across.
I wasn't like this just with family, but also with friends. In the past two years I made strides towards building relationships with people I was afraid to bond with. So far, so good. I'm closer with the people I distanced myself from. And as I get older, I try to find all the friends I once had. Through social networking sites I found old friends from elementary school, middle school and high school. It was nice to reconnect and see how their lives have been over the years. But it's hard to be involved in their lives after all these years because I feel so much like a stranger...
Working more towards building bonds will be part of my New Year's Resolution. Another goal I'd like to accomplish is to go to as many countries I can next year, hopefully without going to some of the countries I've already been to. I'll aim at 5-10 countries all visited by 2011. Possible a 1 week trip every 3 months? We'll see! I got to fill my passport up with stamps. Hopefully in my one trip out to the Philippines we'll be able to get a stamp from China...hopefully!
More later...